“I’m not good enough; no one will like me.” “I’ll never fit in; I wish I could just be normal.” “I don’t deserve to have fun or make friends.” Do any of these statements sound familiar? If you answered yes, you’re not alone.
It’s far too easy to speak negative, self-limiting stories to ourselves about who we are and let those lies define our lives. What if you could break free from the chains of negativity and the fear that holds you back? That’s the idea behind social freedom.
Social freedom is the ability to express yourself freely and interact with others without fearing persecution or discrimination. Social freedom is liberating, allowing you to experience the thrill of going out without fear.
Often, we are unable to live a fulfilling life, not just because of how others treat us but due to our own thoughts. We tell ourselves self-limiting stories, which act as a wrecking ball to our social lives. We can no longer enjoy spending time with friends or meeting new people because we constantly speak negatively about ourselves, and in time, we believe these lies. But it doesn’t have to be this way!
In this article, we will explore the journey to overcoming self-limiting beliefs in order to embrace a more socially fulfilling life.
Breaking Free from Self-Limiting Stories
You may have never heard the term “self-limiting stories,” but chances are you’ve used them. These nasty thoughts wreak your confidence and self-esteem, keeping you from living up to your potential. They are also a parasite socially, stopping you from pursuing meaningful relationships and having a fulfilling social life. What can these self-limiting beliefs sound like?
- “I’m too shy; I can’t make friends.”
- “They will be angry forever if I don’t agree.”
- “It’s not my fault I can’t make friends.”
Self-limiting stories can also contain absolute phrases or words that tightly control our thoughts. These words take away any possibility of change or openness and limit your potential. Examples of “absolutes” include:
- Worst
- Never
- Always
- Can’t
- Impossible
- Forever
- Nobody
- Everyone/ everybody
- Only
Self-limiting stories have a significant impact on our self-esteem and confidence. They can cause you to believe there are only two options in any given situation, confining your mindset to a binary, narrow way of thinking. One way to combat these harmful words is by reciting confidence quotes that bring truth to the lies. The confidence quotes can sound like:
- “I am strong.”
- “I am able.”
- “I can do this.”
- “I am worthy.”
While it may take time, especially if you’ve allowed the self-limiting stories to take hold of your thoughts for a while, changing your internal dialogue is the first (and arguably most effective) step to social freedom.
Belonging and Connection
Human beings have an inherent need to belong and develop connections with others. We want to share experiences, challenges, and success with those who care for and accept us. This need for acceptance and belonging drives everything we do, and when these desires are not met, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and hopelessness.
There are multiple areas of belonging that humans crave: interpersonal and intrapersonal. Intrapersonal belonging refers to self-acceptance and love. It is when you embrace who you are and find peace in it.
Interpersonal belonging relates to communication and relationships with others, directly correlating with social freedom. The desire for human connection within our communities compels our need to feel accepted, valued, and seen. When we aren’t, it can influence our very identity.
The Link Between Acceptance and Identity
Acceptance is one of the greatest determining factors in our identity, but the conversation is nuanced. While having others accept who you are can create feelings of self-esteem and confidence, relying too heavily on the opinions of others can lead to disappointment.
People are fickle, and if they feel that anything is pushing against their sense of security, whether that be a worldview, value, or morality, they push back. If your identity causes them to confront any of these areas, they are likely to resist you.
If your self-esteem is tied to the acceptance of others, you could experience a sense of loss or confusion at this resistance. While it’s human nature to want others to truly see us, there is a danger in basing our worth on that acceptance.
Getting to a point where you can appreciate when those around you embrace your identity without relying on that to define yourself is the best way to attract like-minded individuals who love you for you.
From Isolation to Community
Isolation is one of the most debilitating experiences humans can encounter, which is why it’s used as a punishment and even a form of torture. To understand the effects of social isolation, we must understand what it is and how it impacts mental well-being.
Social isolation refers to a situation of solitude that is unhealthy and unwelcome. It doesn’t refer to occasional alone time or choosing to spend time by yourself; it is a persistent lack of socialization. Often, those experiencing social isolation lack close coworkers or friends whom they can interact with and confide in.
A lack of human connection can dramatically affect mental health, causing a myriad of issues, including depression, anxiety, and lowered self-esteem. Someone who is struggling with mental health issues caused or exacerbated by social isolation may display the following warning signs:
- Spending a long amount of time alone or extremely limiting contact with other people.
- Avoiding social gatherings and interactions.
- Experiencing feelings of dread in social situations.
- Frequently cancelling plans.
- Experiencing feelings of distress from long periods of solitude.
- Increased panic or anxiety at the thought of social interactions
The irony of social isolation is that the longer one experiences it, the worse the symptoms become. Over time, isolation becomes a comfort, even though it is causing harm to the individual. The longer the person stays in the situation, the harder it is to integrate back into society. While it can be challenging, transitioning from isolation to community is one of the most empowering steps you can take.
Whether you are the one struggling with self-isolation or someone you care about, integrating back into society can feel overwhelming. This process takes time, but with persistence, it is possible. Below are tips for easing your way back into the community after experiencing self-isolation.
- Take it slow – Begin by reaching out to a few select people you feel comfortable around, whether friends or family members. Try meeting in a quiet location without a lot of excess stimuli to make the interaction as calm and comfortable as possible.
- Use visualization – One way to ease anxiety for upcoming social interactions is to visualize what you will say and how you will interact. While it may not go exactly as pictured, creating a “plan of attack” can make you feel better prepared.
- Be patient – Forcing yourself into situations you’re uncomfortable with can cause anxiety, so be sure to take it slow. Choose one or two social gatherings to start and incorporate more as you become more comfortable.
- Set boundaries – Boundaries are helpful as you begin interacting with others. You don’t have to feel compelled to act in a way that exceeds your comfort level; just be sure to clearly communicate your desires with others. For example, if you don’t like physical contact, it’s okay to inform attendees, or if your social battery is low, don’t be afraid to leave.
- Accept help – Allowing your friends and family to help you navigate this transition will make the process easier. You don’t have to go through it alone, but you do need to reach out for others to know you need help.
How to Overcome Social Challenges
Trying to overcome social challenges blindly makes the process far more difficult; it’s best to have a game plan in mind. When you are navigating major life challenges like starting a new job, relocating, or experiencing a relationship transition, having a game plan can keep you focused and on track.
The first step is developing a positive attitude toward social change since the mind has the power to influence your thoughts and emotions. Once your mind is in the right place, you can begin incorporating these strategies to silence self-limiting beliefs and help you build social confidence.
- Make realistic goals
- Develop a growth mindset
- Celebrate your successes
- Generate coping strategies
- Recognize obstacles
- Incorporate daily positive affirmations
- Go slowly
- Ask for help
Being More Social on Your Own Terms
Once you realize that your self-limiting beliefs are keeping you from experiencing all the beauty life has to offer, you can allow yourself to become excited about social adventures. Without the fear and trepidation, social interactions can be thrilling and enjoyable.
These personal anecdotes from people who overcame social isolation and stopped listening to their self-limiting stories are examples of the freedom you can experience.
Dave always struggled with shyness and low self-esteem tied to his physical appearance. He could never come out of his shell and eventually withdrew completely. Although an introvert, he allowed himself to become isolated, cutting himself off from the world. He recalls, “I was fully aware of my introverted nature and tendency to be shy, however, I was unaware of the degree to which my thoughts and perceptions had been distorted by negative self-talk.”
Through therapy and the help of family, Dave was able to face his fears and step out of his comfort zone. He proudly states, “Between educating myself on social anxiety and learning proven techniques to overcome it, I was better equipped to face my fears and the world.”
Pam’s (name changed for privacy) social anxiety skyrocketed in university. She became anxious constantly and paranoid that others were talking about her. Her self-talk was extremely negative and caused her to feel anxious and uncomfortable. She explains, “As a socially anxious person, I often avoided social situations where I feared that I might have a panic attack and embarrass myself in front of my peers.
I turned down social invitations, made excuses, and pretty much lived in a shell. I was a hermit crab. When she had enough, she sought help from friends and a therapist, and they worked diligently to help her overcome her fears. Now Pam says she feels “more confident in who I am and asserting and communicating in whatever social setting I am in.”
You can overcome your self-limiting thoughts too and begin living in social freedom just like Dave and Pam!
Practical Steps for Connecting With Community
Connecting with the community is a great way to embrace social freedom and develop meaningful connections. Joining clubs and organizations, exploring local meetups and events, or attending support groups are a great place to start.
You can also leverage social media and online platforms as you relearn how to communicate with others. Giving back through volunteering has the power to transform both you and your community, and as you help others, you’re simultaneously helping yourself. Check out these inspiring quotes about volunteering.
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi
“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia”
Building Authentic Connections
Patience and persistence are key to cultivating meaningful connections. Developing relationships takes time, but taking proactive steps like initiating social interactions is the best way to start.
Authenticity, vulnerability, active listening, and empathy cannot be understated; they are the backbone of building relationships. Overcoming the fear of rejection and embracing vulnerability is hard and scary, but once you’re able to take this leap, you can begin living the full, healthy, and meaningful life you deserve.
Self-limiting stories can keep you from living a happy and fulfilling life, but you don’t have to settle for social isolation. While it takes time, you can overcome social fear and anxiety and develop meaningful relationships with others. Authentic connections with those who love and accept you for who you are are possible, and with patience and time, you can experience the joy they bring.
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